Desolation
by VStheworld
Summary: Follow S.Meyer's NM outtakes on her website. Takes place after Bella cliff dives in the outtakes and Jacob and Sam discuss why she is "not for" Jake. Jake tries to win over Bella without telling her what he really is.
1. Chapter 1

"I can drive" I said weakly unfolding my arms from Jacob's huge sweatshirt and picking up my keys from the kitchen table.

"I'll take you." Jacob said sourly snatching the keys away from me and walking passed me. I didn't fight with him. I just folded my arms back, my head hung low and followed him out the door.

Not one word was spoken the whole way back. My head rested on the passenger window, tears streamed down my face, away from Jacob.

Jacob put the truck in idle in front of my house. I wiped my eyes with the back of his sweatshirt. I turned to him, quickly glancing at him. I thought I saw a spark of emotion but if I did it quickly returned to his hard reserved unfamiliar face. My heart hurt every time I saw that face.

"Thank you." I murmered opening the truck door. He didn't respond he just sat there staring straight ahead.

"I'll change and give you back your sweats." I said without looking at him. "If you have a minute."

"Sam won't be here for a few minutes." He responded coldly.

I shut the door behind me and went into Charlie's house. In the bathroom I started crying uncontrollably. What had happened to my friend? I shoved a towel to my mouth and screamed. This is hard but not as hard as before. I hurt but not as bad as before. I put on a shirt and shorts and washed my face to hide my crying. I opened the door with Jacob's clothes in hand and there he was standing right outside the bathroom. He looked like he was in pain, the first time I saw actual emotion in his face today. I offered his neatly folded clothes back to him with my arms stretched out. He was shaking as he took his clothes. I looked away from him and his free hand reached out for me but then he took it back. I looked at him and he was fighting the sadness he wore in front of me. I didn't bother saying anything, fearing anything I said would turn him back to the person I did not know.

I walked passed him and down the stairs. He followed me. I hovered in the hallway. "Don't do that again Bella." He warned.

"I won't." I said in a small voice not meeting his gaze.

He walked to the door and I followed to shut it behind him.

"Bye." I called out when I was sure he wasn't going to say it.

He turned around and after seeing the sadness on my own face, his face immediately reflected mine, "Bye". He turned around and started walking toward Sam's truck that was parked on the side of the street.

I slammed the door and ran up to my room and slammed that door too. I threw myself onto my bed and started crying.

My crying didn't drown out the coyote that often howls outside in the woods in the evening and into the night. It seemed as if that coyote was reflecting my own


	2. Chapter 2

A week went by since the cliff incident and I hadn't seen Jacob since then. I wasn't planning on it but some small part of me hoped he would try to contact me.

"Want to grab some food after we close?" Mike Newton asked while I was sweeping the floors in his parents' store.

"I wish I could Mike but I have chicken thawing out for Charlie already." I didn't really wish I could go anywhere with Mike, luckily I didn't have to lie about the chicken.

"Alright." Mike sulked away.

I let Mike go ahead and head out before me since he complained about being hungry all evening. I was locking the doors and the rain started to pour. I ran to my truck in the Forks community parking lot and to my luck it wouldn't start. It would even turn. Nothing. I sat there contemplating my next move. Mike was long gone, it was 6pm and downtown Forks looked like a ghost town and Charlie was out of town at the county court house for work. Screwed.

I flipped up my hood to provide little protection and jumped out of my truck to make my long and wet trek home.

This wasn't just the usual rain shower Forks experienced all day long, it felt more like a hurricane. Lightning was crackling around and the wind was blowing so hard in my face I had to squint my eyes. I made it a whole 6 blocks when I noticed a huge black Chevy truck tap its breaks passing me. The inside was crammed with three huge men and three more were situated in the back. Jacob Black being one of them.

All my bottled up sadness and hurt rose to the surface in that instant. I stopped as the truck was slowly passing me. The wind knocked my hood off and whipped my hair around. I quickly wrapped my arms around my body and stood there waiting for them to stop. They had to stop, right? It was terrible out. Jacob's gaze met mine, his hard façade quickly replaced with alarm. Before he fully lunged to his feet his hard mask returned and the truck picked up speed.

This…Cannot…Be…Happening!

How could someone be so cruel, so selfish, so inconsiderate…What did I do to deserve this? I could think of how mean the La Push boys were but what I really question is myself. What did I do to make Jacob Black hate me? Was it because I clearly played with his feelings for me? I was robbing him of time with potential friends that may be better people than I and maybe potential girlfriends. Too many thoughts rushed to my mind as I stood there motionless in the storm. I started to stomp home, my leg movements matching my anger, but my stomping turned into running, matching my feelings now of shame for making Jacob like this to me. I ran a few more blocks until my breathing was in pants, not because I was out of breath but from misery.

I turned off the sidewalk and leaned against a brick wall in a tiny alley way. I tried to catch my breath but I couldn't. I'm alone again. I'm…Alone. I've driven away another person from me. I slid down the brick and started sobbing.

My hood was up and my head was tucked into my body to shield away the rain and now hail. I heard foot steps running, coming closer in my direction. I had to be quiet anyone could hear my crying from a mile away. I tightened my arms around myself to try to feel at least a bit of comfort.

"Bella! Bella!" The familiar voice screamed as he turned the corner.

My head whipped up and there stood Jacob Black, rain soaked, his eyes widened when he took me all in.

I sat there not moving. I didn't know what to expect now. Was he here to tell me off? To explain to me why I was such a shitty friend.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm Sorry!" My voice cracked, I jumped up and screamed at him. My hands flung up to my face and I huffed then ripped them away. "I won't do this anymore! It's too hard for me to even look at you when you look so, so, so evil! You stare at me like you want me to die! Do you want me to? Did I miss something? Is there something going on that I am unaware of? Just tell me what I did so I can deal with it!" My hands were in fists at my sides and my eyes were tightly closed ready for what Jacob was about to accuse me of. But nothing was said. Without opening my eyes, to avoid his certain glare, I turned around and wrapped my arms around my body and stomped away, "Silence means everything." I hissed.

Warm arms were at my sides in an instant, "Let's get you home Bella." Jacob had his black jacket off and made a shield with it to make an attempt to cover me from the down pour.

I looked straight ahead, not saying a word as my anger slowly subsiding as Jacob ushered me through the storm.

Halfway home the tears started to pour. Jacob comforted me little by putting his arm around me and rubbing my back lightly. I was shivering from being soaked in the freezing rain, Jacob took notice of my teeth chattering and when my house was barely in sight, in one lithely swoop I was in his arms as he ran the rest of the way with me in his arms. My arms were attached to his neck, hanging on for dear life.

"Where's your key?" Jacob tried the front door but it was locked. I had not realized that we were at my house already. That was quick.

I squirmed out of his arms and he put me down on my feet gently. With shaky hands I scrounged around in my pockets for the key. Once I found it and pulled it out Jacob snatched it away from me and quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open. Impatient.

I was sniffling and choking up tears when we entered. I stopped right inside the door but Jacob kept moving. He flew up the stairs into the bathroom. He brought down towels and threw them on the ground besides one.

"Take your jacket off." He demanded walking up to me holding the towel. I flung out of my jacket and his arms were around me instantly, in a tight embrace. The towel dropped to the floor. The only sound made was the water dripping off of us and our breathing.

"This is too much." I backed away from Jacob. He picked up the towel and wrapped it around me. The face I saw now on him was the one I loved…The face before he met Sam.

I took the towel from him and drying myself off. He stood a few feet away watching me, worry in his eyes. Water was strolling from his hair to his forehead so I tossed a towel at him.

After I felt I was dry enough I slumped down the hallway wall and sighed. Jacob slumped down beside me.

"Why did you come back?" I asked.

He looked at me for a moment, "I wasn't just going to leave you there."

"You have before."

"I never left you in any danger or harm. I promise you that."

I thought about that for a second.

"I meant you left me behind before."

"For your own good."

"For your convenience you mean?"

"No, not at all."

I was getting frustrated; tears were threatening to spill over.

"I'm sorry." Jacob sighed inching closer to me.

"Jake can you tell me what I did wrong so I can stop living in my own personal Hell?"

"I told you, it's not you."

"I don't believe you. The way you look at me, no one has ever looked at me with such hate." I whispered. His hands balled into fists.

"I don't hate you Bella! That's the farthest feeling I have for you!" He practically screamed.

"But why do you look at me like that? Why are you so mean to me? I'm tired of guessing. You can tell me."

"It has nothing to do with you! I'm going through…a hard thing…now. I don't want to treat you like I have been. It's just better if I'm not around you."

I didn't respond. I sat there sucking on my lower lip trying to figure out this situation. He doesn't want to treat me bad and it's better if we're not together. A girl? Does Jacob have a girlfriend? Maybe this cult thing isn't really a cult because I've seen two or three of the Quileute boys with girls. Maybe…Maybe Jacob has a girlfriend and they all hang out together.

"What's her name?" I quietly asked.

"Whose name?" Jacob's brow furrowed.

"It's a girl, right? You are hanging out with Sam and them because they all have girlfriends. You can't hang out with me because that would be weird since you have a girlfriend and that explains the distance, the attitude…I get it." My heart sunk. Jacob has a girlfriend; realization hit and as soon as they did other feelings emerged. I…Was…Jealous.

Jacob jumped up, his fists flew up to his missing hair and he pulled on it growling. "It's not a girl, Bella! I don't have a girlfriend! Stop guessing!"

His fury hurt me. The tears started to stream down. I buried my face into my hands.

Jacob huffed but after a moment he kneeled down to my level. He brushed my hair. "Bella." He whispered. I didn't look up. "Bella." He begged trying to pry my hands away from my face so I would look at him. I turned my head away. He sighed. "C'mon, let's go upstairs. You need dry clothes." He stood up and put his hands out towards me to lift me up.

I didn't protest. I took his hand. He didn't let go as he tugged me up the stairs, looking down at me a few times to see my expression.

He sat on my bed watching me as rummaged through my dresser. I thought maybe he would disappear while I was in the bathroom changing but he was standing in my room gazing out the window when I returned. He turned to me and welcomed me with open arms. I hesitated but slowly made my way into them with my arms crossed. He sighed as his chin rested on the top of my head. "I need to go soon, Billy is probably wondering where I am." He moved his face to look at me. My face fell immediately. I didn't get any answers today. When would I get them? "Okay." I didn't have the energy right now to protest anymore.

He took my expression into consideration, "Maybe I might come back later." I looked up at him and then away. His face came closer to mine. His warm fingers brushed along my jaw line. I turned slightly to his. His eyes were closed and his lips were coming closer to mine. Then I noticed his shallow and rapid breathing. I stood still. Do I want this?

He didn't give me the chance to answer my own question. His lips brushed the corner of my mouth, he planted a soft kiss and his lips trailed to my jaw line and kissed me lightly there, once more they made there way to the corner of my mouth. They lingered there and with a little more force his lips pulled together and kissed me. I wanted this. That flash of jealousy earlier made me want it more. I told him I would try. I was telling the truth. I didn't hesitate when I moved my face ever so slightly, he pulled away an inch getting the wrong impression so I leaned in and with more might than his kissed him on the corner of his mouth. I still in his arms he let out a deep breath and inhaled looking at me, stunned. "I'll come back, I promise." His eyes were wide. He tightened are embrace and kissed me on the forehead. He let go of me but as he did he caressed my arms. "Keep warm." He said smiling down at me.

"I will." I promised.

"I'll fix your truck." He remembered. He reached out and brushed my cheek and turned to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

I fixed me and Charlie's dinner but he never showed. It was past 8 o'clock so I decided to shower and curl up with a good book for the night. Jacob wouldn't come back; he would go get caught up in…whatever he does with Sam. I pulled the covers up and curled into a ball and started reading. The only thing I could concentrate on though was the sweet kisses Jacob and I shared earlier. I wanted to know what he was feeling. But more than that, I needed to figure out what I was feeling for him. Was Jacob more than just my best friend? Potentially yes after sharing that kiss. Was I ready for a relationship of any sorts? Hell, no. Edward might have thought that I would move on, lickity split, but life doesn't work out that way. I may be discovering my true feelings for Jacob but I'm incapable of pursing any of those feelings. I shouldn't have kissed him today.

I was deep asleep when I felt someone sitting on my bed next to me. My eyes flew open and my head snapped up to see Jacob sitting on the edge of my bed with a turned up smile on his face. "Sorry. I didn't know you go to sleep at 9 o'clock." He laughed. I looked at the clock, he was right.

"You came back." I was confused, I was sure he wouldn't return.

"I said I would, remember." His smile fell.

"Yes I do. But I take everything you say…and do with a grain of salt these days Jake."

He rolled his eyes and he sprawled out beside me, "Everything _I do_, too?" He speculated.

"Yes, I put little faith into you recently." I ignored his gaze.

"I guess I deserve that." He sighed and put his arm out to put it under my head. I couldn't ignore his face any longer I lifted my head and he scooted it under.

I immediately noticed Jacob's right eye bloodshot and lightly bruised. "Jake, do you have a black eye?!"

A huge grin crossed his face, "Yeahhh, Sam and I kinda got into it."

I scooted closer and reached for his face, "What happened?"

He thought for a moment and then looked at me with much intensity, "He told me not to come back here. I told him no." He said quietly.

I think my jaw dropped a little, "Jake!" I nearly shrieked.

He reached for me, "Shh, it's okay."

"No, no it's not! You can't just go around and get into fights!"

"It was worth it, trust me Bells."

I think I blushed. Jacob and I sat on my bed talking until the wee hours of the morning. He mostly wanted to know what I had been up to during his absence. I wasn't about to say I was miserable and lonely so I filled my part of the conversation about the few times I spent with Angela, Mike and college activities. I could see a flicker of emotion out of Jacob when I would mention Mike so I talked about him more than I really should. I enjoyed getting a rise out of Jacob. Through the entire night the only face I saw was the one that belonged to Jacob, none of that evil face he had given me.

"I'm getting kind of worried about Charlie. He hasn't been home yet tonight." I mentioned.

"Bella, he's snoring his ass off. He was asleep when I got here." He chuckled.

"Oh! I wonder if he ate. You snuck in! How did you not get caught?" My eyes bugged. Charlie would have gotten his gun if he heard any intruder.

"I'm stealthy as a fox dear. You worry too much. Your dad's a grown man…obviously." He laughed.

"I guess it's in my nature to worry. I spent most of my life with my mom." I smiled and shook my head.

"You need to take care of yourself first, now." His face was abruptly serious.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"And I'm Santa."

"You're silly, that's what you are!" I didn't like where this conversation was heading.

Jacob got up and brushed my hair, I yawned. "I'm serious Bella."

"Sure, sure." I looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

He smiled and bent to my eye level. "I'm keeping you up. I'm going to head out. Your truck will be in your drive when you come home from school tomorrow." Jacob leaned into me. I hesitated. He didn't. His warm lips pressed against my forehead. They lingered there for a moment and once, twice, three times he kissed me in the same spot. He stood up slowly with a content look on his face.

"Don't get into any more fights now." I tried to lighten up the atmosphere.

"Can't promise you that, Bells." He smirked.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Mike, can you give me a ride to my house?" I asked once I caught up with him in the parking lot after school.

"Yeah sure!" Mike said with over joy.

"My truck crapped out on me yesterday after work. Hopefully it's back at the house." I explained.

"Who fixed it?" Mike asked.

"Jake is supposed to. It was his before so he knows it inside and out."

"Oh how is that going?"

"What do you mean?" Confusion.

"You and Jake. Hadn't seen him around the store much, thought you guys broke up."

My mouth fell open shocked, "Umm Jake and I are not together that way." I huffed.

"Are you going to be?"

"No. Why?" I answered to quickly.

"He's always around…He always flirts with you…You flirt back…He's head over heals Bella." Mike rolled his eyes.

"I do not!" I gasped.

"Whatever Bella." Mike laughed it off and we made our way to his car.

When we arrived to my house I spotted Jacob Black leaning against my truck with a dirty rag thrown over his shoulder. He had been working on the beast.

"Just look at him! He's falling for you…hard. Fixing your truck, waiting for you to get home from school as he skips school to fix your truck, the way he is glaring at me right now, the way he is thinking of ways to rip my head off for even talking to you right now…" Mike continued.

"That's enough Mike!" I hissed. "Thanks so much for the ride. I'll see you at work tomorrow." I opened up the door

"Bye Sweetheart!" Mike yelled while I was getting out. "See you tomorrow!" He tried to get out before I slammed the door and spun around at him.

"Oh…my…god!" I hissed through my teeth my hand flying up to my forehead. Mike was trying to get a rise out of Jacob, obviously.

Mike spun out of the drive, I slowly turned to face Jacob who had a sour expression on his face.

"Sweetheart eh?" He hissed as he flung his car door open and threw his rag in the passenger seat and slammed it.

Woah, he was jealous, and pissed.

"Mike is trying to prove his theory is right. That's all. He didn't mean anything by that…comment except to enrage me." I walked passed Jacob and jumped in my truck and tried to start it. Perfect, it worked.

Jacob leaned into my open driver side window. "Thank you so much." I was so relieved knowing I wasn't going to have to ask Mike for any more rides anytime soon.

"Your welcome…Sweetheart." Jacob ignored my shocked expression and reached over to pop the hood. He started messing around under the hood when I jumped out.

"Yep, you're all good. I fixed the belt. Shouldn't give you anymore problems."

"Oh no! That means no more rides with Mike! What ever will I do?" I exaggerated.

Jacob slammed the hood down and walked away, "You always have work."

I pissed him off. I reached out and instinctively wrapped my arms around him from behind. He stopped abruptly.

"You know I'm kidding. Will you stay and help me fix dinner?" He used to stay almost every evening helping me.

He slowly turned in my arms, his eyes were tight, "I want to but I need to get back to La Push." His hands were shaky as he traced his arms up and down the length of my arms up to my neck as I held him there. I really didn't want him to leave. I knew what I was doing was not something friends would do but I found myself wanting him, craving him. Mike was completely right about me and Jacob.

I unwound myself from my grasp on him and his arms constricted around me. "Will you go somewhere with me this weekend?"

"Where?" I looked up at him.

"Well, just somewhere around La Push. But, it will be fun. Will you?" He asked again.

"Yes, I'll go, I work until 2pm on Saturday though."

"I'll be here when you get off, k?" He smiled.

"Oh…Alright." I was wondering what he had in store for us.

His hold tightened and then I was off the ground. Jacob was so strong. He mumbled something into my hair and then put me back on my feet, something about _his doll_.

"K, I'll be here Saturday." He let go of me.

"Have a good evening, thanks again Jake." I called out to him as he climbed into his tiny car.


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday didn't get here fast enough for me. I was bustling around the store doing tedious work trying to keep myself busy for the time being. Finally Mike came to relieve me at 2pm.

I scurried out of my work clothes in back and changed into clothes…I didn't normally wear. It was warm enough today to wear whatever so I put on a nice red tight fitting tank and a brown skirt and emerged from the back of the store. Mike eyes widened.

"Hey want to go to a party with me tonight?"

"No, I have plans with Jake." I winked at him and passed him heading for the door. Where did this confidence come from?

"Well, have fun then." Mike said sarcastically.

"Oh, I will." I turned around and smiled a devilish smile at him. He rolled his eyes.

I raced to my house my heart racing. My feelings for Jake were increasing.

I whipped into my driveway to find it empty. He was running late.

I raced into the house, figuring he would be here any minute to check myself in the bathroom. When was the last time I cared about how I looked?...Never.

I raced back downstairs and found my driveway still empty.

I sat on the porch and pulled at the grass waiting for him. 5, 10, 15 minutes went by. No Jacob. I heard a car approaching, I went out a ways to the drive to only find Charlie's cruiser making its way home.

I sighed and returned to the porch.

"What are you doing Bells?" Charlie asked.

"Waiting for Jake. We were going to do something today." I said sadly.

"How long have you been waiting?"

"15 minutes." I slumped down on the step.

"Go call his house maybe Billy has him doing something for him." He walked on passed me.

That's it. Billy had him doing something for him. I dialed Jacob's number and my heart felt like it was going to explode. What if he didn't answer? Was I worrying about nothing?

No one answered. My heart sunk and I slammed the phone down.

"What's up?" Charlie asked.

"No one answered."

"Hmm, well maybe he's just running late."

Running late my ass. The moment I get my hopes up Jacob runs off with his butt buddy Sam. I grew angry and stomped upstairs.

I practically stared at my clock for an hour and there was no sign of Jacob. Not even a phone call.

I stood in front of my mirror looking back at myself. I was acting crazy. Emotionally insane. Look at me? I got all dressed up for disappointment. I stood there for a minute longer and decided that I was going to reward my feeble attempt of dressing up.

I dialed the phone. "Mike?" I knew it was him.

"That party invite still open?"

"Good. Pick me up when ever you want." I slammed down the phone.

This was better than what I thought it was going to be, turns out the party tonight is taking place on La Push beach.

Like clock work Mike Newton was at my door at 7 o'clock.

"Dad I'm going to hang out with some friends instead of Jake tonight. I might be late, is that okay?" I knew he wouldn't have a problem with me socializing. He threatened me on a regular basis just a month a go to ship me off with my mom if I didn't start having a life again.

"That's fine, have fun." He called from the recliner.

"Hey Mike" I said shutting the front door behind me. He smelled strong of Curve for men. I hated Curve on men. It was meant for guys who had no clue or taste in cologne, clearly Mike was one of them.

"Hi Bella, I'm glad you changed your mind. Tonight is going to be a blast. Were having a bon fire at the beach and cooking hotdogs and smores. And…well I don't know how you feel about drinking but Tyler's brother bought him some…stuff. I mean I'm sure not everyone is going to drink there. Angela and Ben will be there…" He kept on babbling. I kept saying yeah and sure to everything. Drinking? I had never been to a drinking party. I'm sure I would be in big trouble if Charlie found out. I had never really drank before either. A police chief's daughter isn't one to get invited often to these sorts of events.

We pulled up to the rocks and as soon as I got out Jessica Stanley came running towards me throwing herself at me. "Bella, oh my god you came! I'm so happy you are here! We never spend enough time together! Come! We're going to have so much fun tonight!" She screamed at me, smelling like vodka.

"Sure, sure." I shook my head as she towed me along the beach.

"I made this especially for you Bella. Damn you lookin' good tonight girl. It's about time Isabella Swan spread her wings!" Tyler Crowley exclaimed, imitating a bird flapping its wings with a drink in each hand. What the hell am I doing here? Tyler handed me a hot dog with ketchup and Mike handed me a drink.

"What is this?" I asked sniffing at my cup.

"Cranberry vodka. You don't have to drink it if you don't want to. I don't think there is much vodka in it. Jess probably had like twenty, as usual." Mike said.

"Umm…I'll try it. But I'll be the designated driver tonight." I contemplated as I stared at the drink. Should I, really?

"Oh Bella don't worry about it, I'm not drinking tonight. I have to open the store early tomorrow."

"Oh…okay."

"He's just a Debbie Downer!" Jess came up from behind and rested her head on my shoulder laughing hysterically.

I had to laugh at how she was acting tonight.

I towed her to a piece of driftwood and we both sat down. I took a sip from my drink. It just tasted like cranberry juice to me.

"It's so good isn't it?" Jessica raved.

"Yeah it's pretty good. When did you get here?" I asked.

"About an hour and a half a go. We do this like every weekend. It's so much fun!"

Even Angela was a little tipsy as her and Ben stumbled up from the coast line.

She took a seat next to me. It was easier talking to Angela than Jessica. The drinks kept on getting passed to me and although I was taking merely dainty sips from them, about 2 hours later I think I was feeling the drinks a little.

"So, where is Mr. Black, Ms. Swan?" Jessica probed as we huddled around the fire.

"Well…I don't know actually. He ditched me today. I haven't heard from him."

"What a dick!" Tyler yelled across the fire.

I stifled a laugh, he was wasted.

"That's awful! What has been his problem lately?" Angela asked.

"I have no idea. He started hanging out with Sam Uley and the gang and now I'm just not good enough to be his friend or something now." I wrapped my arms around myself.

"He's always been so in love with you though. I mean just the other day I saw him kiss you and hold you in your driveway, it was seriously the cutest thing ever. I wish I had those arms wrapped around me. I bet he's huge…" Jessica was cut off by Mike.

"Jacob's an ass, that's for sure." Mike chimed in.

"Maybe it's just a phase." Why was I trying to defend someone who has treated me so badly lately?

"Or he's insanely jealous of me." Mike popped his collar, trying to act cool.

"Sure Mike" Jessica rolled her eyes. "This problem has to be solved Bella. You and Jacob are so sweet together and you will need a date to the dance coming up. I can find out some information if you like. I can do some digging. I can flirt with the La Push boys and see what I come up with. That Quil boy has been looking awful cute lately." She rambled.

"That's alright Jess I can take care of it." I did not want Jessica Stanley snooping into the La Push boys lives.

Mike yawned, he wasn't having as much fun I could tell. "We can take off, Mike." I said.

"I am getting kind of tired." Mike shook his head.

"It's cool, I am too actually." I wasn't really.

"You're going to have to chug that then Bella." Tyler Crowley pointed to my half full cup. Jessica sauntered over to me and poured more until it was about to over flow.

"Woah Jess! I can't drink this!" I jumped back as she over flowed the drink.

"Chug it Chug it Chug it Chug it!" The crowd started screaming in unison. I shook my head and kept saying no.

"You start and I'll finish, k?!" Angela appeared next to me.

I huffed and took a drink. The crowd erupted "more more more!"

I started sipping on it until it was nearly gone but passed it to Angela before I finished it.

"Awww!" The crowd screamed but then started clapping. I took a bow and looked at Mike. He stood up on cue and we walked towards the car.

"Bella you need to come back here more often this was too much fun!" Jessica yelled from the beach.

I was stumbling more than usual as we made our way to Mike's car. He put his arm out and ushered me in.

Was I? No, I couldn't be. Could I? No. "Your drunk!" Mike exclaimed my inner thoughts as we were both safely and securely inside the car.

"No I'm not Mike Newton!" I gasped.

"You are sooooo trashed right now! This is awesome!" Mike laughed.

"Don't you dare tell anyone at school! My dad is going to kill me!"

"Bella I'm not going to say anything." Mike assured me.

"I'm so drunk." My head his the window.

"We'll get you home." Mike laughed.

We were slowly making our way to the highway from the beach when I noticed a small fire and a familiar black truck at the cliffs.

"Stop the car!" I screamed trying to get the door open.

"Woah, woah Bella!" Mike screeched to a stop.

"C'mon!" I ripped my seatbelt off and flung the door open and got out without stumbling.

"What's going on?" Mike asked running up to me as I charged towards the fire.

"I am going to give Jacob Black a piece of my mind!" My eyes didn't leave the fire. I knew he was there.

"Umm, okay. This should be fun…I guess." Mike laughed nervously.

Closer we got to the fire I could make out 3 figures. One being Jacob, huddled around their fire. My heart raced, it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.

The 3 figures turned my direction when my kitten heels hit the rocks. I knew I still looked good from the time Jacob was supposed to pick me up.

Mike followed behind me as I reached the fire. I made no stop as I stepped towards the three men sitting there. Paul, Sam and Jacob. As the light glitted off me Jacob jumped up. "Bella?!" He screamed his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open looking me over. "What, what's going on?!" His arms were extended out, Mike appeared next to me as I glared him down, my eyes shifting from the two boys sitting silently up to Jacob's shocked face.

"I am not going to say how long I waited for you today or how much you made me feel like shit today Jacob Black! But I will tell you one thing!" I screamed. "You are no longer welcome at my home. I don't want to see your face again Jacob! Fuck You Jacob!" I said the last three words slowly so he got the picture. I glared at him and his face completely fell, his mouth open wide. He couldn't say anything.

It was silent for a moment and then I felt the tears rising from my throat. I looked away. Mike grabbed my arm, "Let's go Bells." He never called me Bells. I knew he was adding fuel to the fire.

"Bella?" Jacob said weakly taking a step towards me as I sniffed up a tear.

"Not a good idea dude." Mike guarded me from him and escorted me away.

I heard a growl coming from Jacob. I didn't look back as my hands balled into fists at my sides I stomped back to the car.

Mike opened my door and put me in. I looked back at the boys at the fire but there were only 2. Jacob was gone. Good. Maybe I finally made him think for once about my feelings.

Mike spun out and headed down the highway. I looked in the rearview mirror and swore I saw a huge dog following us from behind.


	7. Chapter 7

The sun was beaming into my room on an unusual sunny day woke up on Sunday morning. The sun was warming my face as I took my first conscience breath of the day...but I quickly remembered the events from the night before. "Oh God!" My hand flew up to my mouth reflexively as I shot up-right in my bed but as soon as I did a sharp pain in my head was instantly noticeable. "Ohhhh Noooo!" I muffled out as my hand was still clamped over my mouth. I rung my hand through my hair remembering what I did last night and what I had said to Jacob. _F' You? _Those were the words I told Jacob Black last night. My eyes shot to every corner of the room until I found my wadded up outfit and shoes from the night before in the right corner of the room. Slowly but surely I got myself out of bed, my head pounding. I looked myself over in the mirror. I didn't take my make-up off from the night before. To me, I looked like a train track hooker. I went to the bathroom and took care of that. I came back and picked up my clothes from last night. _What was I thinking?_ They smelled like a camp fire from a mile away. I sat on the corner of my bed, clothes in hand forcing myself to recall the events of last night and what I should do about it. I was definitely never going out with Mike and my Senior class friends again. I had no desire to go back to La Push beach if it entailed Tyler Crowley trying to be a thug and his brother's _special mixes_.

I threw my stinky clothes in the washer and threw the stupid shoes in the back of the closet. _Why? Why? Why? _I regretted whole-heartedly saying those three last words to Jacob last night. I was mad, I still am but I shouldn't have said_ that_ to him.

The phone rang.

I slowly made my way downstairs.

"Hello"

"_Hey it's Mike, you sound awful!"_

"Yeah, I know."

"_How are you feeling?"_

"Have a pretty banging headache right now."

"_Once you get the hang of it, it won't be so bad. Always drink water before you pass out."_

"Yeah I'm pretty sure there won't be a next time."

"_Oh c'mon you have to admit it was pretty fun...and interesting last night. You were a blast!"_

I couldn't help but think his words made me look like some dramatic drunk floozie yelling and swearing and boys up and down the beach at night.

"I really don't think that scene is for me."

"_Yeah, yeah. Work's so boring today. I don't know why mom thought it would be a good idea to open today for the sale. Sunday, really?"_

I really hope Mike doesn't think our friendship is on a new level now since last night. I am not one for small talk with Mike Newton.

"Yeah." Maybe my shortness will shut him up.

"_So...Has Jacob been by yet?"_ I could smell how nervous Mike was asking this question.

"That was so embarrassing last night. I can't believe I said that to Jake. I really need to call and apologize to him."

"_What!" _Mike practically screamed. _"No way Bella, that dude got what he deserved. I never heard you say a bad word in your life but last night, girl, you definitely picked the perfect time to unleash yourself! I'm proud of you. Don't you dare apologize to him. Make him do all the work Bella."_

Was I getting guy advice from Mike Newton right now? I think I was.

"Thanks Mike for your guidance. I gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow."

"_Seriously, wait for him. He'll come to you, I promise. A guy would be crazy not to do anything in his power to win you over."  
_  
I had to laugh at what he just said, "Alright don't get too bored at work today."

"_I tell no lies Bella."_

And the phone went dead.

It was 3 before Charlie strolled in from fishing. I was curled up on the couch still in my pajamas watching Disney. I hardly ever watch TV and never Disney but I felt like doing nothing else but wallow in my poor decision making from the night before and my still ached a little.

"Nice to see you too." Charlie said sarcastically when I didn't greet him when he came in.

"Hi dad." I said with zero enthusiasm without looking up from the idiot box.

"Is this all you have done today" He asked rounding the corner from putting away his gear.

"Yep." My eyes glued to the television.

"Well so has Jacob, but I think it's the History Channel for him."

My eyes snapped up to Charlie who stood in my view with his arms crossed waiting for an explanation.

"You saw Jacob today!?" That got me out of self-loathing state.

"Yes I brought some of my catch over to the house before I came home. What happened? You both are miserable."

"What did he say?" My cereal spoon clanked as I dropped it in the empty bowl and put it on the floor.

"Not much of anything. He won't tell Billy what happened either. Did something happened between you two? I knew you were upset with him for not picking you up yesterday."

"Well, yeah I was mad yesterday! He didn't even have the decency to call and tell me he was canceling on me!"

"Your right Bells."

"Thanks dad." I washed my bowl and spoon and put them up and then got out a granola bar and went back to the couch.

"So the Cards are playing today." Charlie just casually mentioned as he plopped down in the recliner. "You think you're going to spend the whole day on the couch?"

I huffed and threw him the remote and shuffled to my room with granola and blanket in hand. I curled up in my bed and stared out at the sunny day I didn't feel like participating in even though it would probably be weeks before I would see the sun again in this town. The day held no interest for me without my _own _personal sun.

Mike had told our group of friends at school about the Jacob incident that took place after the party. I had Jessica and Angela wanting to talk about it the days following but I played it up as nothing around them.

The week was dragging by to slow for me. Friday finally hit and I had no plans for the weekend except for work but I was looking forward to not being around people for a while. I would have the house to myself since Charlie and his fishing buddies would be on a trip this weekend.

"We're having another cookout tonight, you should really consider coming tonight." Mike said as he was checking out a teenager at the cash register as I swept the floor behind the counter.

"No thanks."

"Well would you be up to do anything else?"

_Not again! _"I have plans tonight but thanks for the offer." I was being short and somewhat bitchy as I acted to be too busy to pay attention to him as I swept the floors. Luckily, Mike dropped it and went on working. I stayed at the other end of the store avoiding Mike as I did inventory on the climbing gear.

All was peaceful until Mike rounded the corner. "Sam Uley's here." He said sing-songy as he walked passed me with a small box.

_Shit!_ "Please just be getting launch-yourself-off-of-a-cliff-gear, Please just be getting launch-yourself-off-of-a-cliff-gear!" I kept repeating quietly.

"Hi Bella" A voice came from behind me. I put my price labeler down and turned around and faced Sam.

"Sam."

"How are you?" He eyed me. I could tell he didn't want to be here.

"Umm fine...Anything I can help you with?" I put on my professional face.

"No. I came here to apologize to you. I was the one that kept Jacob away from you last Saturday. It wasn't exactly his fault he didn't show up." He said with practically no expression on his face.

"Figures." I tried to match his expression. I turned around and started labeling random objects, acting like I was working.

"Listen Bella, Jacob's a mess ever since you confronted him last week. He won't get out of the house and Billy can't keep stocking up on food ever other day! He's going broke!"

"Sam, Jake's been treating me awful for a while now and I don't think I am the one that should run over to his house and forgive him for...leaving me high and dry for whatever you guys secretly do all the time. You have no idea how I feel!" I hissed at him, trying not to make a scene at the back of the store.

"You don't know how he feels either. Just think about it Bella. Give him another chance. If he got his way he would be with you day and night!" Sam glared at me and then gracefully sauntered out of the store without looking back at me.

If Jacob got his way he would be with me? Was Sam holding him hostage? I was utterly confused to what kind of gang Jacob was involved in. A no-girls-allowed tree house club?

I got home and Charlie was setting the table for 4. "I thought you were going to be gone by the time I got home?" I said as I put my jacket away and went into the kitchen.

"I'm not leaving until tomorrow because of the storm that's coming tonight. Instead, Billy and Jake are coming over for dinner tonight, Bella." Charlie turned around and crossed his arms waiting for my protest.

_You have got to be kidding me_. Was Sam's appearance at the store a forewarning to what was to come tonight? I shook my head and grabbed the forth plate. "Jacob isn't welcome in this house dad!" I went to put the plate back in the cabinet.

"Yes he is Bella and don't use that tone with me!" Charlie's voice raised.


	8. Chapter 8

I locked myself in my room as Charlie tried to fix dinner. I wasn't going to help him, hopefully the dinner is so bad no one can eat and then have to leave. Okay that is far fetched but I will not rule out the possibility. The door bell rang, Billy and Jake were here. How was I going to even look at Jacob after being buzzed and telling him off? I wasn't going to come downstairs until Charlie called for me. I sat down at my computer and put on some Bon Iver on my iTunes and contemplated laying down on my bed what my next move would be. I took into consideration what Sam said today. Should I just be formal towards them tonight and just speak when spoken to? Would Jake try to talk to me about what happened? Does he know I had been drinking? Crap. I hope not. I wasn't going to mention that I was either.

Ten minutes passed and I was almost meditating, taking deep slow breaths with my eyes closed trying to clear my mind..."Bella! Dinner's done come help me set it out!" Charlie screamed from the bottom of the stairs.

I shut off the music and creeped out the room. Slowly I made my way down the stairs to awaiting faces. Charlie shot me a look that screamed_ 'behave yourself' _while Billy kept chatting with him. Jacob was standing awkwardly in the cramped kitchen staring down at the table like a puppy scorned.

"Hey" I greeted them quietly as I maneuvered my way around the kitchen to the fish and vegetables. Jacob tried to get out of my way but it just made it awkward as we were dodging every direction trying to avoid contact. Billy greeted me like any other time he would see me while I could hardly hear Jacob's "Hi".

"Dinner's served." I announced as I put the food on the table.

The grown-ups had no problem keeping casual conversation while eating. Jacob and I on the other hand were situated across from each other but didn't speak a word. I could feel his eyes on me once in a while.

It was smart for Charlie to stay home tonight the wind was fierce and the thunder was deafening while we ate. The activities taking place outside gave more conversation to the two who were hum-drumming about the crazy weather. While I popped a piece of broccoli in my mouth an enormous clap of thunder felt like lightning hit the house and the lights in the house flickered on and off for a second I jumped in my chair and started coughing on the broccoli I had the biggest reaction to it, I dropped my fork and coughed once more and swallowed. Remarks were made by Charlie and Billy but Jacob laughed at me. I looked up to glare at him but when I saw his infectious grin as he chuckled my own face lit up and giggled at myself. The thunder was a nice ice-breaker.

I was filling the sink with soapy water while Charlie and Billy sat down to watch a game. Jacob usually helped me with the dishes when they needed to be done. I didn't know if he would attempt to help out tonight. I loaded one dish in the sink and sure enough Jacob appeared next to me.

"You wash, I dry?" He asked.

"Sure." I didn't look up at him as I sprayed a dish. The storm was still brewing outside. It was now hailing, we could hear it clatter and clang off of the nearby metal roof of a carport.

We did the dishes in silence until lightning and thunder came simultaneously. I jumped as the light was blinding and the thunder rumbled the house and the lights zapped off. Jacob stepped towards me and shut off the sink and pulled my hands out of the water. I looked up at him like he was crazy but he looked me over making sure I wasn't hurt. "What..." I started to say but he interrupted me,

"Don't you remember _Unsolved Mysteries_ from when we were kids? There were too many episodes where people would get shocked by lightning while doing the dishes or taking a shower in a thunderstorm!" There was no silly undertone to what he just said. He was serious.

I laughed and he let go of my hands, "Yeah I actually do remember those. Remember the one where the lady got struck by lightning and was paralyzed from the waist down but when she was running a bath for herself when she was older she just happened to get struck by lightning again and was healed by it?" I laughed re-calling those episodes.

Jacob laughed too, "Yeah I remember that one." We both shared an awkward laugh in the dark before Charlie came in with a candle.

"Here's a candle Jake. Bella you can have the flashlight and get away from the sink. I remember those episodes too. The lights will probably come on shortly." Charlie walked away and Jacob and I chuckled again. I missed this. I guess now was a better time than ever to talk. I gave him a look and then walked passed him towards the stairs. Like I wanted him to do he followed me up the stairs into my bedroom. I heard Charlie and Billy whisper _'gossiping' _as Jacob shut the door behind us. I shined the light on the candle and Jacob sat it on my computer desk. I went over to the desk and unplugged the wires even though it probably wouldn't do me any good now. Jacob stood silently by me After I was done unplugging the computer I took a seat on the bed. I patted the spot next to me for Jacob.

He followed my command and sat down. It was then when I caught a whiff of him, he smelled sooo good. Unlike any cologne I had smelled. I looked at him, well, looked him over. It was the first time tonight I actually noticed him. He had a dark brown nice tight fitting shirt that complimented his skin tone and dark pants. His hair even seemed styled a little. He had dressed up for tonight. That made my heart melt. Okay, I had to snap back into reality. We had a tough talk ahead for us. I looked back at him and it seemed like he was doing the same with me.

I wanted to tell him right there that I was sorry about what I said to him last week but Mike's advice stuck with me, _let him be the one to apologize_.

Jacob sighed and looked away and then back. He took a deep breath, "I, I didn't mean to...I'm so...God Bella I am so sorry for my actions! How I've treated you, for Saturday! I knew the whole time I was supposed to be with you when I wasn't. It wasn't like I forgot. I wanted to be here! Shit! This is so hard to explain! I didn't stop thinking about you that day! I knew what I was losing when the minutes passed by!" He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair and looked at me with pleading eyes.

"But why didn't you?" I asked wanting to reach out and wrap my arms around him. He seemed really upset but what happened.

"Something happened and we had to take care of it." He tried to explain without giving anything away.

"What happened and why did_ you _have to take care of it?" Another one of Sam's orders I guessed.

He thought for a second, "What we do, what Sam, Paul and I and some others do...Well we are kind of in charge of what happens at the Res. We...help out a lot there. We do what our fathers and grandfathers and great grandfathers do. It's important Bella and I'm sorry I haven't been able to explain. I just...I don't want to be a part of it. I feel like I'm growing up too soon. I'd rather be fixing my car and being with you. Any day I would take you over what I'm doing."

That made sense. "But why now?"

"Bella, Billy's in a wheelchair, all of our fathers or grandfathers are growing old and are unable to keep up with the work like they used to. It's on our plates now." He shooks his head and sighed.

I had this all wrong and now I felt even worse.

"Jake, I didn't mean what I said Saturday about..._you know_...the last three things I said. I was just so upset and hurt by what happened! I thought I had my Jacob back and I was so happy I couldn't wait for the weekend to come and we could be together like we used to be and then...nothing. Not even a phone call to tell me you weren't coming. Too many things were running through me when I saw you Saturday that those were the only words that came out of frustration and they were poorly chosen words at that!" I ran through my words quickly, fumbling with my fingers. "But now that I know_ kind of_ why you didn't show I feel really selfish and awful about myself."

"Don't Bella! I should have called or let you know somehow. This one is all on me. And, you know what... I deserved that Saturday night." He laughed and eyed me, "What were you doing there anyway? With _Mike Newton_?"

I sighed and fell back on my bed and covered my eyes with my arm. So embarrassing. "Mike wanted me to go to a party down at the beach and since I kind of...well got dressed up for nothing since you never showed I decided to go with him. It was bad Jake. I shouldn't have went."

Mike's eyes tightened, "So did I lose my chance?" he asked.

"Chance at what?" I was confused.

"Did Mike Newton steal you away?" His eyebrow expressions made me laugh.

"God No! Jake, I'm not going back to any party at the beach with him! I have no inkling to ever wanting to do that again!" I laughed and turned on my side to face him. Jacob sprawled out on the bed next to me laughing too. The way Jacob talked about losing his chances, it made me feel like he wanted something more from me, and I honestly wanted more from him too.

"But you wouldn't mind going to a party _with me_ on the Res right?" He smiled.

"Well yeah I would if you actually showed up to it." I smirked.

He rolled his eyes, "Can I make up Saturday to you tomorrow? Will you come with me to our cookout?"

I acted like I was thinking for a really long time and he playfully hit me on the arm, "I guess I don't have anything better to do. Yes, but you are calling me first thing in the morning to make sure you are not ditching me again! Alright?"

He scooted closer to me until he was inches away from my face, "I promise" He whispered and touched my arm with the tip of his fingers.


	9. Chapter 9

Like Jacob promised he woke me up with a phone call the next morning and he picked me up that evening for the cookout. We stayed at the cookout for about an hour. I met Sam and Paul's girlfriends and even though the two guys didn't seem to be thrilled that I was in attendance the girlfriends were friendly. Eventually Jacob and I split up from the group and strolled along the beach. We held hands like we used to do when we walked along the beach. We settled against some driftwood.

"I want to know how you are really doing, Bella?" Jacob asked unexpectedly as we gazed at the waves rocking back and forth.

"What do you mean?" I knew what he meant.

"You look so tired all the time. Not in the sleepy sense but your eyes they're just...I don't know...Like you've seen too much, type of tired. I'm not good at explaining things I guess."

I thought for a second. That was a perfect way of describing me. "That's a good way of explaining it Jake. I_ have _seen too much. Too much for someone my age. Gone through too much in the past year that would put any sane person in a coma." I sighed. I was comfortable telling Jacob what has been going on with me. He knew anyway, he made it clear the night I confronted him at his house that he believed his dad's '_stories_' about the Cullens.

Jacob wore a look of concern, "I know a little of _what happened_ but you know if you want to talk about it...I'll listen." He soothed my finger tips with his own.

I took a deep breath and stared up at the sky, "It's all such a dream, some parts so...surreal! Part of it a nightmare...I guess I don't know how to digest it all. How to deal with it, you know?" I looked back at him

He didn't say anything he just nodded, like he knew. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Brining it up someday would be beneficial but tonight was not the night. I have tried to submerge my past, it hurts too much to recall any of it.

Content next to Jake was where I wanted to be now. It was like we were on the same wavelength, neither of us said a word for several minutes, we rested against the piece of driftwood and Jacob continued holding my hand, stroking my fingers lovingly.

A cold chill ran through my body and slowly, Jacob turned his face to me and placed his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, I leaned my head against his chest, his other arm came around and wrapped around me pulling me even closer. I let out a content deep breath and closed my eyes. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he held me there. I opened my eyes to stare at the moon, Jacob's face was noticeably closer to mine now. His eyes were fixated on mine, determined actually. I froze up, a million thoughts racing through my mind. Jacob was going to kiss me. I completely set myself up for this one, the way I was practically laying on him like a cat in heat. His finger brushed my bottom lip, a way of asking if it was okay about what he was about to do. I bit my lower lip as my only response, I could feel his breath quicken as he inched closer and closer to me. Then I felt his lips brush my bottom lip so lightly I wasn't sure if it wasn't just in my mind. If I made any movement with my lips I would be touching his. His lips hovered right above mine, when his heart beat they would softly stick to my bottom lip.

"Jacob what the hell! We've been calling you for the past fifteen minutes! We need to go!" Paul yelled walking towards us from the east. I jumped as Jacob stood perfectly still so when I reacted my lips pushed right into his. I could feel Jacob wanting to kiss me, out of surprise I scrambled to pick myself up off of Jacob. Paul kept yelling at him but Jacob's eyes didn't leave my face. My heart was racing as I situated myself up right against the driftwood. Jacob stood up and took off his light plaid jacket and motioned for me to stand up with him. I did as followed and he put his jacket around me taking my hand. As Paul and Sam made their way up to us Jacob grabbed my hand and squeezed it and brought himself down to my level and whispered in my ear "I would do anything to take all of your pain away." My face turned to his and there was no smile, he was serious.

"What are we doing?" Jacob asked in a monotone voice to Sam. Paul gaped at him like he was an idiot and looked at me then back to Jacob.

Sam looked at him like he was communicating something else with his eyes to Jacob. Kind of like Edward would do with his Alice. "Our friends went home. We were going to go over some...stuff for next week." Sam said not breaking contact from Jacob's eyes.

"Okay I'll take Bella home first." Jacob responded.

Paul groaned, "That's like an hour of our time!"

"No it won't I'll be back in no time." Jacob tried to walk passed him.

"Just let Emily take her home!" Paul growled at him.

Jacob spun around and got in Paul's face, "No Paul I am taking her home now get over it!"

Sam stepped in between them while I stood to the side.

"That's enough. We'll see you here in less than hour right Jacob?" Sam asked.

"Yes."

"Good. Have a good night Bella it was nice seeing you tonight. You are welcome back to any get together we may have in the future. Don't let Paul offend you." Sam said.

"Umm...Thanks, yeah none taken. Nice to see you guys." I mumbled as Jacob stomped away, I followed him.

"What's Paul's problem?" I asked when we got in the rabbit.

"He's just an angry douche bag sometimes." Jacob backed out and raced his way back to Forks.

The earlier mood of the evening before Paul showed up was surely ruined now. Half way back to Forks Jacob reached out and took my hand into his. We never held hands while one of us was driving, this was new. I wonder what it meant. I wondered what he was thinking now? I wanted to know what he wanted. Could he really want me?

His smile returned, "Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yeah noon until five, It'll be dead for sure, I don't know why Mrs. Newton thinks it's a good idea to open on Sundays."

"Are you working by yourself?" Jacob probed.

"Yes. No Mike." I smiled as did he.

"Good."

That was all was said about work. Did that mean he going to stop in during my shift?

We made our way back to Forks in record time. Jacob clearly was still following Sam's orders. When we pulled into my drive Jacob flinched and and his hand flew up to his mouth, his eyes widened, the car slammed to a stop.

"What is it Jake? Are you feeling sick?" His skin was turning noticeably green in front of me.

"No, No. Umm, Hey lets see if that ice-cream place is open, want to?" He did not look right at all. His hands were glued to the steering wheel his face tight, eyes wide.

"It's late Jake it's not going to be open." I laughed nervously, I was getting kind of scared he seemed like he was shaking.

"Well I'm thirsty lets go to the gas station and get some drinks, on me." His face whipped to focus on mine.

"Charlie just bought some sodas. You can come in I'm sure Charlie's up and wanting to say hi anyway." I opened the passenger car door but as soon as I opened it Jacob reached over and slammed it shut.

I looked at him like he was crazy. "No, I want a fountain soda. There the best anyway." Without any protest coming from me he backed out of the drive and drove away looking in the rear-view mirror every five seconds. Something was definitely up.

We got to the gas station and I opened the car door, this time he let me but he was outside waiting for me with his hand on my outside door handle before I could get all the way out. He shut it after I got out and he more or less ushered me through inside, his eyes darting every direction. We got inside and Mike, Jessica and Tyler were crowded around the soda machines, their eyes bloodshot. "Crap forgot my wallet, I'll be right back." and he was out the door.

All three of my classmates came up and started talking to me, they reeked of smoke. "Bella, hey, what are you up to tonight?" Jessica said her eyes almost rolling back into her head as she leaned on me. Was she high?

"Jake and I have been hanging out." I said sniffing her hair a little to see what that smell was.

"Told you so Bella!" Mike exclaimed. I stood there with them for a long time eventually Jacob made his way back in, his face still worried he was adjusting his t-shirt. I looked at him like he was crazy but his face was hard and he went straight for the soda machine. "What's his problem?" Mike asked.

"He's tired." Was the first thing that came to my mind and mouth. "Well I better go see you guys Monday have a _safe night_." I eyed Jessica.

When I got to the machine Jacob already got me mine. "You like Dr. Pepper right?" He asked not looking at me.

"Umm yeah sure. Hey are you okay?" I put my hands on either side of his shoulders and forced him to look at me.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just had a bad vibe earlier. Do you ever have those? There weird aren't they?" He had sodas in each hand and walked away from me. _Yeah weird.  
_

We got back to Charlie's and again Jacob's face was tight. He got out when I did and walked up with me. Was he going to try to kiss me again? Some part of me wanted him to try again. "Can I say hi to Charlie?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah of course." I opened the door and Jacob made his way in before I could. Again, his eyes darted to every corner of the room. Charlie and him talked for a good ten minutes. I knew Sam would not like this. I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I got out Jacob was in my room standing at my closet looking weird again. He turned to me and unlocked something from around his neck.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I want to give you something if you don't mind." His face resolved into a nice smile I knew and adored.

"I don't like gifts." I crossed my arms and he chuckled.

"Let me re-phrase then. Hey Bella will you hold onto this for me for a while?" His arm stretched out to give me the necklace he had on. It had a wooden wolf silhouette on it.

"Of course Jacob Black, it's cute, I'll take very good care of it." I smiled and put it around my neck.

"I made it a few days ago." He smiled wider.

"What?!" I looked down at the charm. He was good at carving wooden wolves.

"Yep, made it a few days after I ditched you. I want you to have it." He didn't directly say _I made it for you_ but it was good enough. I probably wouldn't have accepted it if he had.

"Oh...wow Jake thanks it's really good!" I threw my arms around him and hugged him. He had me in a vice tight hug. "You need to get back to Sam. Paul seemed pretty pissed." I said letting go of him.

"Yeah I guess. Thanks for coming with me tonight. It was...really nice. I really enjoyed it." He said backing out of my room, awkwardly.

"I enjoyed myself too. Thanks Jake, for letting me in, you know." I fumbled with my fingers awkwardly.

He smiled and nodded and walked downstairs to say goodnight to Charlie.

That night I fell asleep with the wolf charm necklace still on my neck and ironically enough to coyotes howling and barking outside my window.


	10. Chapter 10

I was about to fall asleep at the cash register at Newton's store. I had a total of two customers in my four hours of working today. Luckily, the boy I was most wanting to see came through the doors at just the right time. "Veggie sub!" Jacob called out lifting up a white paper bag up when he walked through the glass entrance doors.

"No way! You're a life saver!" I exclaimed as he walked up to the cash register.

"Who said I got this for you? I was just telling you I got a veggie sub!" He grinned.

"Not in a million years would you order a veggie sub Jacob Black!" I snatched the bag away from him.

He rolled his eyes, "You know me too well."

There was only one sandwich in the bag. "Umm, is this really yours?" I asked.

"No, I ate mine on the way here. I couldn't wait, I was hungry."

"But the sub shop is just down the street! Not even a minute walk!" There was no way Jacob could have eaten a sub in that amount of time.

"It was a foot-long actually." He smiled.

"You're like a human garbage compactor!" My eyes widened. He let out a huge burp. "Eww salami really Jake?" I laughed and pinched my nose acting like I was disgusted with him.

He rolled his eyes again. "Yeah thanks Jake for buying me food and visiting me at work when I'm terribly bored!" He said bitterly.

I smiled and reached over the counter and messed with his hair. "Thank you Jacob for buying me lunch and visiting me while I'm deathly bored at work. C'mon let's go to the back of the store so no one will see me eating in the window."

We sat against the tackle box isle and chatted while I ate. "I'm going with the guys camping for a week." Jacob stated out of the blue.

"Really when?" That sucked, no Jacob for a week? Just when I thought I had him back...

"Ummm...In a few hours actually. We're just going to the Olympic National Park peninsula area. It should be fun." Jacob tried to smile but it seemed like he didn't want to go. Must be one of Sam's orders.

"Oh, yeah." My face fell a little, Jacob must have noticed.

"When I get back Sunday do you want to go on a picnic or something?" He asked nervously.

"Picnic? Where did that come from?" I scrunched my face.

Jacob ran his fingers through his hair and scratched his head. "Well...It's what I was going to do that one time I told you I was going to take you somewhere...but didn't." His face mimicked mine.

"Oh...Okay." My heart fluttered for a moment. Jacob was going to take me on a picnic! Was this going to be _it_?

"Do you? You don't seem too much into the idea." Jacob was second guessing himself on this one.

I immediately responded "Yes of course I do! I just wasn't expecting...a picnic. But I do want to go. Can I make something to eat?"

"Yes but I'm going to make the main dish, k?" He smiled.

"Okay I'll make the side." We had a deal.

"I'll call you this week, k? I gotta go back and pack." Jacob stood up, I followed.

"Alright, well...Have fun." I stuck my arms out, welcoming an awkward hug. There wasn't anything awkward in Jacob's hug. Of course he didn't hold anything back, he never does. Jacob had me in his signature arm lock and pushing me backwards towards the front of the store.

"Will you think of me while I'm gone?" He whispered in my ear still embracing me. _What???_ He really _didn't _hold back his feelings for me. Maybe I shouldn't either.

"Mmm, maybe, a little." I whispered back, you could hear the smile in my tone.

"Just a little eh?" He didn't let up.

"I'm going to think about you so much I won't be able to sleep at night!" I said sarcastically.

He whispered back "I won't be able to either." There was no tone of joking in his voice.

He let go of me and smiled when he noticed the necklace I still had on. He reached out and cupped the trinket in his hand and then let if fall back to my neck.

"See you're not really going to be gone, I have you here with me all the time." I said cheerfully motioning to the wooden wolf hanging on my neck.

His eyes grew wide and his smile was quickly replaced with a look of slight horror. He didn't respond. Did I say something wrong? Did I go too far? I didn't think so, he was being more flirty than I was. I suddenly became insecure of myself and turned around and walked away. Jacob sure knows how to make a girl feel bad.

"I'll see you Sunday." Jacob called out to me with a weird undertone.

I didn't respond as I opened up the "Employees Only" door and went to the restroom to see how beat red I was from our awkward goodbye.

The week went by terribly slow. _It was only Thursday_ I pondered to myself in Chemistry class. "Hey Mike did you see that sweet black Mercedes driving out of town when you were following me back last night? Dude, that thing had to have been brand new I haven't seen one of those ever!" Tyler Crowly said as he followed Mike to the back of the class.

"Yeah dude I about started drooling when I spotted it! AND it was a girl driving it! That's like one of my dreams right there man! But the driver kind of looked like one of the Cullens haha!" Mike replied as he was taking his seat. My eyes lit up and I spun around in my seat. Mike was staring back at me like he just did something wrong. "I mean...I don't think it was. I didn't get a good look, ya know?" He stuttered.

I stood up and walked over to him, "Which one?" I demanded.

"Umm...Alice. Yeah it looked like Alice." Mike tried not to look me in the eyes.

I turned around and grabbed my books and practically ran out of the room. _Were they back?_ Nothing was going to stand in my way of know, I was going to find out.

I skipped the rest of the day of school and my truck trudged up the long driveway of the Cullens house. I hadn't been here since...

My heart felt like it was going to explode as I got out of the truck but I wouldn't let it stop me. I marched up the steps of the house and found the car port empty. That didn't matter they could still be inside. I knocked and no one came. I tried the door. Of course it would be locked. I went around the house and tried other doors. All locked. Then I tried a window on the garage and it was loose and opened. I climbed through without hurting myself. No cars were there. No signs of them ever living there at all. The garage was connected to the house though. I ran up to the door and it was unlocked. It took me a second to actually enter but I did. I stood inside the kitchen looking around in the dark empty house.

"Hello?" I called out sheepishly. No reply. I took a few steps in and looked around. The furniture was gone and things were covered in white sheets. The huge grandfather clock was covered in dust. I felt like a crazy woman now breaking and entering an abandoned house looking for vampires. That didn't stop me from going upstairs. "Alice?" I called out. Again, nothing. All the doors were closed except for the one I spent the most time in. Edward's. I felt like I was going to pass out that my heart would beat out of my chest. I went in anyways. The room was bear. I shut the door behind me and went over to the glass wall and peered out to the vast forest beneath me. I went to the corner of his room and sat down curling my legs into me and hugging myself tight. I looked around the room imagining the couch, the journals, his basic set up of his room. I imagined us sitting ons his couch together going through music and being music critics together. I could see my old life _with him_. "Why?" I asked out loud and sunk my head into my hands.

It was 5 o'clock when I came home. I hope Charlie didn't get a call from the school. Could I be that lucky? I trudged in kicking off my shoes. "Jake called about thirty minutes ago. He said he would call you back Saturday." Charlie rounded the corner with a sandwich in hand.

"Oh no! I missed it!" I wanted to kick myself. While I was out pouting and searching for non-existent vampires I more or less missed out on _real_ life.

"He said he'll call you on Saturday!" Charlie just didn't understand girls.

I huffed and went up to my room I layed back on my bed and sighed, Sunday couldn't come fast enough.


	11. Chapter 11

Slowly but surely Saturday came. I did my usual duties at work but kept an eye on the clock during my entire shift. It seemed like today was moving in slow motion. I hadn't looked forward for anything in a long time, that was part of the reason why I was acting this way. I hurried home after work to see if Jacob had called again. Charlie was home but relayed no messages from Jacob. I retreated upstairs keeping busy with cleaning my room, taking out the trash and doing the dishes. Eventually I wore myself out and cuddled up with a book. Twenty minutes into it Charlie called for me.

"Bella Jacob's here…Finally…So you can stop cleaning!" That startled me, I wasn't expecting a visit! This day was turning out better than I imagined. Actually, too well…Nothing has weighed in my favor in a while. Reality has to come knocking at the door sometime soon. Hopefully, today is not_ that_ day.

"Bella!" Jacob cheerfully greeted me downstairs. Charlie stood there patrolling our behaviors but even with him there Jacob waited with his arms out, waiting for an embrace. I took the last step of stair and welcomed the embrace. Charlie looked thoroughly confused.

"You're back early! I was just waiting for a phone call!" We let go of each other and tried our best to ignore Charlie. With his hands on his hips he turned and sauntered back to the living room shaking his head.

"Yeah I called to tell you that I was coming home a day early. Plans changed. Are you busy? I was wanting to go get some pizza. Would you like to come?" He seemed smitten and I knew my face surely reflected his.

"Yeah, pizza sounds good. I'll go get my jacket." I ran up to my room and looked myself over in the mirror after I put on my jacket. _God, since when did I ever take so much interest into what I looked like? And for that matter, a human?_

I watched as Jacob scrunched himself into the rabbit, he's grown since the last time I had seen him, I swear. "So, where are we going?" I asked as we both buckled into our seats.

"_Mr. Gatti's_. 'Cause I want to play some ski ball!" Jacob grinned.

"Are you serious? I haven't played the games there since I was literally ten years old!" I laughed, I couldn't believe he wanted to do this.

"Neither have I so this works out great!" He winked.

Before we ordered our pizza we went to the back of the run down pizza shack in the tiny town of Beaver. Kids ran around us as we played ski ball and shot baskets at mini basketball. Jacob finished up his last game of basketball and he swiftly ran towards me as I was shooting a deer with a neon orange gun. I wasn't expecting what came next. I thought he was going passed me to get to another game but he stopped while I was about to shoot a buck and wrapped one arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. I missed the buck, needless to say. He casually walked passed me and stood at the entrance. "Aww it looks like I made you lose! I'm so sorry. Pizza now?!" A devilish grin was plastered on his face.

I shook my head, my face for sure overcast with scarlet. I ripped the tickets from the machine and followed him to our seats.

"So, are you still up for a picnic tomorrow?" Jacob asked while chowing down on a slice. I didn't think we would be doing anything since we were spending the evening together now.

"Oh, yeah, sure." I responded a little puzzled.

"Good, 'cause I even have music picked out."

"What? Why?"

"Why not?" Jacob shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

We spent the rest of the evening enjoying endless pizza and chatting about what we had been doing this week. He didn't go into much detail about his camping trip but told some funny stories about his _new friends_. He took me home right at nine o'clock wanting me to get some sleep before 'our big day' tomorrow. I did just that and the next morning, like clock work Jacob called, waking me up before he started on his way to my house. I felt a few butterflies in my stomach while I was getting ready. It seemed like Jacob had more planned than what he had been leading me to believe.

Jacob arrived thirty minutes after he called. I watched him come to my door from my window. He seemed a little too dressed up for the occasion. I went downstairs to meet him. When I opened the door I could immediately smell the scent of cologne on him. I took him in, he looked very nice in his tan colored tight fitting t-shirt and what it appeared to be new and freshly ironed jeans. "Ready?" His eyebrows rose when he smiled.

"Yes, I am." I said shutting the door behind me. He insisted to get gas for my truck and drive it to the spot we were going because his car wouldn't make it through the field. He placed his arm around me as he drove. I tried to be inconspicuous as I moved closer to him. We were on the one-oh-one for a while until we took a left on a dirt road and then an unexpected right into a field. In between two chunks of woods there was a great space of land that, you could tell, used to contain wheat. Jacob drove to the middle of the field, parked the car and got out. I followed. He took out an ancient CD player (circa 1997) and jogged lithely to a spot he had already cleared off with a blanket. He came back to me and walked with me to spot with a big smile on his face.

"Jacob did you put this together before you came and got me today?" I asked, taken aback by the set up. It was simple but still too much for what I ever thought this 'picnic' entailed.

"Umm, yeah. I wanted to surprise you! Did it work?" He was trying to read my expression, hoping for the best.

"Yes you did! This is so nice!" An old Native American style blanket covered the remnants of wheat with four stones on the corners of the blanket holding it together, two plates and silverware laid out already, a blanket on the side folded up and a flower in the middle. Jacob put the CD player down and took the picnic basket from my hands. He started to work as I sat on the blanket watching him. Jacob was trying really hard and in a way I felt like I was playing him. I never thought of Jacob as a future. My mind was consumed with my old life still and when I thought of Jacob and I's time together I thought of it as passing the time by without constant suffering. Jacob instilled some hope in me when I was with him because I felt alive around him more than I had in months. I mean, it's not all true that I just use him to pass the time. Edward was my present and future, all my plans included him and it's hard to shake off those plans and start fresh. Jacob has merely helped me forget those plans for a limited amount of time. Could I ever re-arrange my mindset to include Jacob in my future?

Jacob started the music, it was _Fleet Foxes_. Perfect music for the type of setting, it fit so well like a mold for the day. The soundtrack of our day. I stood up and aimlessly wandered the field looking for tiger lilies and honey suckle along the way. Jacob caught up to me after he was done setting everything up. I had a handful of tiger lilies in hand. He tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around and he stuck out the flower that was laying on the blanket. "You are more of a daisy, to me." He smiled, I blushed.

"And you are more of a tiger lily to me." I smiled back and tucked a flower behind his ear. He rolled his eyes and then took my hands. Oh no! Not dancing! I froze up and looked up at him with worried eyes, "You know I can't!" I warned.

"I know you say you can't. I'm not pressuring you into it, k?" He leaned in and whispered the last part into my ear. His voice smoothed me over. He swayed me to the music for a few moments then led me back to the picnic area. "So, I was wondering why the bottle of wine is in the basket?" Jacob scrunched his face. The night before I found an ancient bottle of wine hidden in the back of the pantry. I thought this would be the perfect situation to have a sip of wine...even though neither of us have tried wine before. I never made it through confirmation class at the Lutheran church we attended when I was younger, therefore I never was able to participate in communion where would have been the only place I would have a chance at tasting wine.

"In the movies people bring wine to a picnic." I pointed out.

"And, the people in the movies are probably twenty-one, aren't they?" He speculated.

"Yes, probably but I wasn't thinking about drinking the whole thing!" I explained.

We enjoyed the sandwiches that Jacob made and the vegetables that I prepared. I could tell Jacob was hesitant to try the wine so I pushed it to him wanting him to get the cork out. "Umm I don't know how to open this."

"Well I don't either. You try first." I smiled.

"Fine." Jacob tried pulling the cork out without success. The he tried his teeth.

"No don't you're going to pull your teeth out!" I warned.

"Shush up I'm traying thoo geth this open!" Jacob batted away my hand while gnawing at the cork. Well, that worked. The wine spilled a little and Jacob spit out the cork. I held out the glasses.

He poured my glass to the top. "Woah! You trying to get us drunk?!" I laughed.

"Hey I don't know what I'm doing!" I poured half into his glass and gave it to him.

"Cheers!" We clinked glasses and put it up to our lips and sipped it. We immediately spit out the wine into the grass and we stared at each other with bitter looks on our faces and then bursting out with laughter. I took both of our glasses without conveying anything and poured out the wine. After I put the glasses away Jacob scooted closer to me and put an arm around me. "That was utterly disgusting." He grinned.

"Agreed." We laughed together again and then he brushed my cheek with his hand._ This was it!_ His lips came closer to mine, my heart felt like it was going to shoot out of my butt! I hadn't felt like this since Edward. I take that back, I never felt like _this_ before. This felt, well, real. His lips finally met mine and we both hesitated and then he worked up his courage and kissed me. He pulled away, our eyes opening and looking at each other. A smile broke across our faces and before I knew it Jacob's lips came crushing into mine again. This time he parted his and his tongue swirled around mine. He wrapped his arms around me and leaned us back onto the blanket. We held each other, his lips not leaving mine. "Thank you." Jacob whispered pulling back a little.

"For what?" I asked.

"Letting me in. You know, for this." He kissed my forehead. "For allowing me to be close to you." He said between kisses.

"Your welcome." I mumbled against his lips. We stayed like that for most of the day until we wore each other out. He cradled me in his arms and we both fell asleep.

I was startled when I heard someone screaming at me. "Bella! Bella! What is going on?" Jacob unhooked himself from me and we sat up, dazed from sleep. Charlie was standing over us in uniform. Behind him his police car's lights were flashing. I couldn't say anything, neither could Jacob. "I was listening to the scanner at work and someone reported an old red Chevy parked on their land that hadn't moved the whole day. This isn't my parish but you have no idea how worried I was thinking that something had happened to you out here!...Hey! What is that? Is that my 1979 bottle of Mer lot?!" Charlie screamed.

Jacob and I looked at each other then realized we were sitting way too close to one another. "Sorry dad! I can explain. We wanted to go on a picnic and we thought this was a good place and then I was rummaging through the pantry and found a bottle that has been there for a long time and I thought that we would try it but it was gross and we spit it out. I'll take a Breathalyzer!"

"Clean this up and get home. Jacob and I will follow you back to our house." Jacob and I turned slowly to each other, our eyes horrified. Jacob was going to have to ride in the cop car with Charlie!

"Okay dad." I said meekly. Jacob and I started putting stuff away and into the back of my truck.

As I was getting in the cab I looked back at Jacob sadly as he got into the car with Charlie. At least he didn't make Jacob sit in the back of the car.


	12. Chapter 12

It was a boring afternoon at work. I was working on a gift for Jake. I took a about-to-be-thrown-out pair of hiking boots from the store and styled them for Jacob's feet. I changed out the strings and cleaned up the outside. I knew he had been hiking a lot with his new friends, I figured he would appreciate a perfectly fine pair of boots.

Jacob and I were supposed to meet up in three days but I wanted to give these to him sooner than that. He said he had some errands to run and things planned with Sam and Embry but I knew he would enjoy the gift.

After work I made my way to Jake's with his boots at my side. I thought wrapping them would be cheesy so I put them in the cardboard box and sealed it with packaging tape.

Billy answered when I knocked. "What are you doing here Bella?" He didn't seem happy to see me.

I let his expression pass, thinking I just took him off guard, "I brought something over for Jake. I found them at..." I was interrupted by a perturbed voice.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" I turned around. Jacob was shirtless along with his group of friends walking towards me. I was speechless. All of the boys looked the same. Their brown, rock-solid bodies all in some sort of cut off jeans. "I said, what the hell are you doing here?" Jacob was suddenly in my face. The look he wore, again, wasn't his. I was terrified. I had never seen him so enraged before.

"I...I..." I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I stuck out the box towards him to show why I was here.

He slapped the box out of my hands. I gasped and looked back and forth between Jacob and the box on the ground.

"You need to leave Bella." Jacob coldly said. The group of boys heads turned when some sort of bird call occurred in the woods. Sam looked at two boys in the back and they took off into the brush. Sam put his hand on Jacob's shoulder and then Sam took off.

"Go home. You can't be here! Why did you come?" Jacob gritted through his teeth and backed away from me. He kept looking back and forth from me and the woods.

I kicked the box at him. "I came here to give you some boots! Because I knew you and your friends had been out there," I flung my arm towards the woods, "I thought of you when I found them at work and wanted to do something for you because you mean something to me! I guess it's not reciprocated though." I laughed through my tears and started backing up to the truck.

"I don't need boots!" Jacob yelled back.

"I hate you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and got in my truck.

"Bella!" Jacob cried but didn't come after me. I looked back and he was gone.

I drove home with pissed off tears streaming down my face. I tried to fathom what was going on between him and his friends. When Jacob is with his friends he's mean. When he is alone, he's Jacob. Sam seems like the leader...Were they some kind of cult? A club? A gang? A fight club? They all look like they belong to some sort fight club but we watched that movie together and he didn't seem like he would go run off and make one himself.

Charlie wanted to ask me twenty questions when I arrived home, visibly upset. I locked myself in my room for the night without dinner. Jacob was able to break the pieces of my heart into even smaller bits. Shards of glass were trying to settle in the bottom of my stomach and the pain was excruciating.

I fell asleep at three in the morning, woke up at eight and couldn't fall back asleep. I was downstairs with a bowl of cheerios in front of me when Charlie came down after getting ready for work.

"What happened yesterday? Jake wouldn't say." My head snapped up to look at Charlie.

"You talked to Jacob?"

"Yes I went down there to see if Billy or Jake knew why you were so upset since you wouldn't talk to me." True, every time he came up to ask me a question I wouldn't answer him.

"Well, what did he say?"

"He said you two got into an argument. Bella, I don't want you two dating if he can't be mature. If he's too young to handle..."

I cut him off, "I"m not dating him!" I screamed.

"Okay, okay. I'm just saying..."

"It's fine dad! I'm fine. Jacob _is_ just immature. Don't worry about it I can handle it." I tried smiling, he didn't buy it.

Charlie left for work for the day and I called in sick to school. I didn't care if Charlie would find out or not. How was I supposed to concentrate on anything today?

I washed the dishes, cleaned out my hair-dryer exhaust, cleaned my room, tripped over a loose floor board and had to get a band-aid for the index finger I cut on my computer chair (I didn't remember my floorboards being so old and rickety), around lunch time there was a knock at my door. I peered out my window, Jacob.

I paced back and forth in my room with my arms crossed over my chest. I didn't want to talk to him, I had nothing to say. He was immature and very hostile. Why would I want to associate with people like that? I didn't. A few minutes went by with Jacob continuously knocking. I wanted to yell out my window to leave me alone but I hoped by keeping silent he would believe I was gone. I sat on the edge of my bed and covered my ears. The more he knocked, the more I wanted to race downstairs and talk to him.

I heard a thump in my room and I spun around. Jacob was standing by my open window. I jumped up and started backing up to my door, "Did you just climb the tree?" I gasped, wide-eyed.

Jacob grinned, "Yeah." He looked back at the tree and back to me. I raced for the door to open it. I was terrified. No one could make it into that window except...him. Desolate feelings mixed with fear rose into my throat. Jacob was at the door before me shielding me away from it.

"Leave me alone, please." I took a few steps back and tried to cover whole body with my arms, a shield of arms, so he couldn't get to me. "Please, you made yourself clear yesterday. I get it." I whispered, looking away, uncomfortably.

"What? Bella, are you _scared _of me?" He spoke softly and took a step towards me, reaching out for me.

I whimpered and shied away from him. "No, no, no Bell I'm not going to hurt you. Oh..." He sucked a sharp breath of air in. Realization hit him that I was terrified. "I...I'm..." He swallowed hard, his eyes were glistening now, "I'm a terrible person." He looked down at me and then away, "I am a monster." He walked over to the window and stared out.

Minutes passed and neither of us said a word. I loosened my muscles, not realizing how tense I had been. I went closer to him. "Are you...bipolar?" I asked quietly, ringing my hands. That was the most logical answer I could come up with last night. Jacob turned to face me. I was shocked by his expression. His cheeks down to his chin were wet, his eyes bloodshot.

"No." He cried. My heart twisted to see him like this.

"Okay." I quickly replied and went to sit on the bed. "Please don't jump from the window to the tree, you'll hurt yourself." I whispered. He seemed like he was contemplating leaving. He turned around walked over to me and sat on the ground at my feet. I noticed he was wearing the boots I got him. He breathed in a jagged disjointed breath. "Thank you." I whispered looking down at my own feet.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand. "When you came over yesterday I was having an argument with Sam and you caught me at a bad time. It doesn't excuse me of my behavior, I'm aware of that. But I don't even know where to start with apologizing for my actions. I took all of my pent up anger out on you and I'm an idiot for it"

"Why were you fighting?" I asked focusing my eyes on his.

"Tribe stuff." He sniffed.

"Important tribe stuff, I'm guessing."

He gouged my skepticism, "Do you remember the legend I told you about our tribe?"

"No."

"I told you a long time a go when I told you about Ed...Them." He looked away for a moment.

My eyes bulged, my heart sank, I tried to think back to that time but I was too clouded with memories of him all of a sudden.

"Remind me." I whispered.

"I can't...right now." He said immediately. "Just try to remember, maybe if you figure it out, I will make more sense to you. I can't explain it right now. But I want to...I really do. I want you to know all my secrets, all the stuff..." He wouldn't finish. It was like something was physically stopping him from talking.

"Yes, I wish you made more sense to me." I sighed.

He sighed too, his eyes tightened, "I would never hurt you Bella. Please don't be afraid of me _like that._ Know that, k? I'm disgusted with myself right now over how I spoke to you. I just...I can't lose you. You're the only person that makes me feel huma...alive. I love you."

"You...you...what?" I thought my heart stopped beating for a moment. Yes, I'm sure my heart just skipped a beat.

He looked at me critically, "Bella, you have to know _that_. I've been in love with you since you stepped foot on my Res." He chuckled. I tried to re-situate myself on the bed.

"You do?" I couldn't register his words in my mind.

"Yes." He said slowly. "Come here." He reached for me. I stood up on my Jell-o feeling legs and scuffled over to him. He took both of my hands after he padded his lap. I followed his instructions and curled up onto his lap. He wound both warm arms around me. "Can I kiss you?" He asked as he rubbed my cheek with thumb.

I nodded. His warm, full lips pressed against mine. When he pulled away his skin was sticky against mine because of his tear stained face. "Can I kiss you again?" He breathed.

"Yes." I choked out. And so he kissed me again, the kiss lasting longer this time and a little bit more intense. He brought my bottom lip in between his and sucked in a little and kissed me sweetly a few times before pulling away just enough to see my expression.

"Can I keep you?" he asked, breathlessly.

"Yes." I answered and snaked my arms around his neck. I pulled him close to me and kissed him hard. He rocked me back and forth in his arms, kissing me over and over.

"Jacob." I knew what I was about to speak was true, "I love you too. I do. And, I, I don't think I was afraid of you hurting me physically...But more afraid of you hurting me internally. I think I was trying to shield the very little of myself I had left. I'm afraid to let anyone in. I was afraid you would take what was left and finish me off. You would be the only one that would be able to do that job. No one else has that effect on me." I knew how true that was. I walked around as a zombie for most of my senior not caring about what was said about me.

He snuggled his nose to my ear, "I want to make you whole again Bella. I want to do anything to make you happy again, Bella." He kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Thank you." I squeezed him tight.


	13. Chapter 13

Jacob and I were sprawled out on Charlie's living room couch watching a movie, or rather making out while the movie was providing background noise.

Jacob was on top, his hands were everywhere. With his tongue lapping at my own in my mouth he snaked his hand up to my bra and started feeling me up. That was a first.

I hesitated, he noticed, his hand went still on my breast but when I kissed him again he squeezed. I giggled and he deepened our kiss. His other hand went up my shirt and went to work on my other breast. He grunted against my lips and pulled me against his body. He let go of me suddenly, his hands slid out from beneath my shirt. That's when I heard a car door shut. We scrambled to get situated. We were both sitting up straight as a stick on the couch, our breathing erratic. Before Charlie came in Jacob leaned over to me and stuck his tongue in my mouth and shot his hand up my shirt and massaged my breasts before Charlie walked in. He let go at once and took back his tongue. He grunted again and straightened out the lap of his pants. I looked down and noticed what he was doing. Anyone could tell that he had a massive boner at that moment.

"Oh the things you do to me." He noticed where my eyes were placed. I blushed and looked up at him smiling.

Charlie came in, and called my name. I heard his police boots hitting the hardwood as he walked in the living room. He was surprised to see Jacob.

"Uh, hi kids. How long have you been here Jake?" Charlie's tone went sour.

"Just got here a little bit a go." He replied.

"Bella, I need to see you in the kitchen." Charlie huffed and stamped away. I looked at Jacob frightened.

"What's going on?" Jacob asked.

"Dad's mad about how you treated me a few days a go. I told him I wasn't dating you yesterday so he probably is wondering what is going on." I whispered getting up and throwing a pillow on his lap.

He looked sad, "Yeah he's probably going to kick me out for that one. Sorry Bella." He looked down.

"No, it'll be fine." I said walking away.

"Why is Jacob here? Did you two get back together?" Charlie's arms were crossed in the middle of the kitchen.

"Yes, it was just a misunderstanding dad. Everything is fine." I hoped he believed me.

"Everything is not fine." His voice raised, "This is the second or third time you came home crying from Jake's! I think he is too young, being too immature right now. Maybe in a year or so he will mature a little bit and then you two can…" I didn't let him finish.

"No dad, it's both of us. It's what teenagers do! We argue because were both immature sometimes but not all the time. Trust me dad, I know what I'm doing." I was becoming furious at Charlie's accusations of Jacob.

"I hope you do, Bells. But if you come home crying one more time I'm going to…" His fist was about to pound the table.

"Stop dad! I'm fine! Sometimes girls are just emotional you know that!" I scowled.

"I know that all to well." He said getting a drink of water.

"Good, now I'm going to go back to the living room with Jake." I said and stomped off.

"I'll beat my own ass if I make you upset ever again, Bella." Jake whispered when I sat next to him.

"I'm sorry you had to overhear that. Charlie is just look out for me."

"Yeah, I know." He put his arm around me. We sat there trying to watch the movie but it wasn't working for us. As inconspicuously as he could his hand would trace from my shoulder down to my hand back and forth. He would lean down and kiss me when Charlie wasn't in ear shot. Then he stiffened, his eyes were shooting around the living room and it seemed like he was sniffing the air. He got up and looked around the room.

"What's wrong?" I asked getting up too and putting my hand on his.

He looked down at me and kissed me until he had me pushed back down onto the couch.

"I have to pee." He said sweetly and kissed me before he practically vanished up the stairs. That was weird.

He came back down five minutes later looking worried.

"Do you think Charlie would let us go get some dinner?" He asked with a weird smile.

"Uh, yeah. Are you hungry?" I asked skeptically.

"Bella, I'm starving! It's all your fault you know." He winked at me and swooped me up off the couch.

"How is it my fault?" I giggled securely in his arms.

He whispered in my ear, "You wore me out from letting me ravish you!" He sucked on my earlobe.

"Oh yeah, I guess it is my fault." I was shocked by his demeanor.

He led me out to my truck and he jumped in the driver's seat. His eyes narrowed like he was looking for something out the windows.

"Where are we going?" I asked interrupting his searching.

"Let's go to Port Angeles. I just decided I'm going to take you out on our first official date. I'm buying." He smiled but still looked distracted.

"Don't you dare! There is no need to pay that much to make a date 'official'" I freaked.

"No, I am and you're not going to stop me. I want to do this because I love you." He kissed my cheek.

"Love doesn't mean you have to buy me dinner. That's silly." I pouted.

"No, it's not! Besides, I'm starving and I'm really excited about this. I've never taken a girl on a real restaurant date! Don't ruin this for me."

"Fine, I'll be good but can we go on a picnic this week? An uninterrupted one?" I asked.

He laughed, "Yes, of course, how about Saturday afternoon? You get off at noon right?"

I was surprised he remembered what time I got off.

"Yep, and I know the perfect spot." I did know the perfect spot but I wasn't sure if I could find it again. The meadow. I had been having re-occurring dreams about the meadow lately and what I dreamed had driven me to go look for it. It was all I thought about when Jacob wasn't filling my mind or my mouth. I had to find the meadow, to make sure it wasn't a fictional place. My life before just seemed like a dream now and I just wanted one piece of tangible evidence that it wasn't.


	14. The End is Near, The End is Here

"_Bella, come down honey." The soft and familiar voice called from below._

_I didn't respond, I held on to the top of the tree. I gripped tighter and I heard the wood split and splinter._

"_It's okay. No one is going to hurt you. Have you fed yet? If not…I need to…take you." He choked up on the last words._

_Still, I didn't say anything. I was too stunned at his presence, too confused as to what had happened to me._

_I heard Jacob's foot steps and quick heart beats as he made his way into view. "Sam wants her dead Edward, but I'm not going to do it. I can't. I don't care what she does or what she is, I can't do it." Jacob crouched over and started to cry in front of Edward._

I gasped into consciousness and soon realized I was safely tucked into my own bed. I was glad to see it was morning, I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep after that nightmare. I jumped out of bed and raced to the bathroom to clean up, to wash the awful dream away.

I rubbed my eyes as I stumbled back into my room. I saw movement in the corner of my eye. I jumped back and my hand flew to my mouth. Jacob was sitting in my computer chair. "Sorry." He laughed and jumped out of the seat.

"I had the worst dream just a minute a go. I'm still freaking out about it." I explained as he wrapped his arms around me.

"What happened in the dream?" He asked. I looked at him skeptically for a moment. I couldn't exactly tell him about the whole dream, he even might get mad at the fact that the _other_ was in it too.

I huffed, "I died and I was in a tree looking around below me." I simply said. He froze and studied my expression.

"You died but you could still watch everyone below? Were you like a ghost?" He gulped.

His reaction was strange. "Umm, yeah, maybe. You were there and you were sad and I felt bad that I died because I didn't want you to be sad." I looked down sheepishly.

"Oh God baby that's horrible! Don't ever dream dreams like that again!" He tightened his grip around me.

"I can't control my dreams." I laughed meekly at that. I wish I could control my dreams then maybe I could forget about _him_.

Jacob stopped by at the unusual hour to reschedule our picnic today. He said he had to help Billy work on some shelves for the kitchen and wouldn't be able to go out until this afternoon. He was expecting me to be disappointed in him but I was actually okay with it. It gave me more time to find the perfect spot to take him to…Some place Charlie couldn't get to us in a police cruiser.

After Jacob kissed me goodbye I got ready for the hike. My attire wasn't completely appropriate but for once I felt pretty in a cotton crème colored sun dress with jeans and a jacket. I didn't know exactly which direction to head towards but I had a good idea. I brought my compass and a map from work to help me along the way. I brought a small basket that was used as decoration for many years in Charlie's house to pick up some wild flowers along the way.

It was only noon and I felt like I had hiked a good distance already. I felt like I was coming close to my destination. I hoped so that is because my feet were blistered. I was bent over picking a tiger lily when I smelled _his_ smell. I inhaled deeply and breathed out a ragged disjointed breath. I froze in my spot and rubbed my throat. The smell of him flooded my brain. Memories I had long buried deep were bursting at the seams, making me face them. This is why I came to the meadow…I wanted to feel Edward more than make a date with Jacob. I didn't realize how selfish I was until now. I wanted to bring _him_ back by revisiting _our _place.

I pulled myself up from the ground with my basket still in hand. I breathed in once more letting myself enjoy it just this once. I opened my eyes and blinked twice to make the fiery image in front of me disappear. My bad dream was back and worse than ever. I blinked again and tried to wake myself up but _she_ didn't go away. I blinked once more and she was in front of me, her scent stronger than before. "Hi." Victoria smirked and took my left arm. I heard a loud a pop and then I screamed. I dropped my basket and the flowers scattered around me. I looked down and the arm she was holding was now bent in an abnormal direction. I went into hysterics.

"You don't have to do this. He moved, he's gone!" I fumbled through my words to Victoria.

"I'm aware but you know I just spent so much time and effort finding you and getting to this point that this is all still worth it." She had her hand around my throat now.

"He doesn't love me, he doesn't care anymore! Please, I'm suffering enough already!" I tried to choke out.

She shook her head slowly and twisted one of my fingers. I screamed again, "Killing me wouldn't be justice if I _wanted_ it!" I would say anything to get out of this but everything I was saying was honest and true.

My dream this morning all made sense now. It was a foreshadowing of my near end. God has not been good to me. Why would he show me how I was going to die before it happened? What kind of God was he?

_Snap_…went my index finger. No God at all. My head swirled from the pain and sight of my left hand. It looked as if I had jammed my hand in a garbage disposal. My bloody fingers were pointed in directions that were in no way right. I couldn't tell if any audible noise was coming out of my mouth.

Victoria held my right arm in between both hands. I looked into her blood red eyes, _please just finish me already_. I said in my mind. I knew what she was going to do next…_snap, snap, snap_…My other arm, between the elbow and wrist was bent in a different direction. I looked down to see it pointing up and I immediately vomited on myself and whimpered.

_Just do it, just do it_, I mentally said. Only her grip on me was holding me up against the tree.

"Damn it!" She hissed and looked behind her. "I want to do this on my own time. I'm going to make this an even fight." Before I could register what she was saying her mouth was at my neck. When her head ducked is when I saw the russet colored monster charge towards us from the woods into the clearing. I gasped from the sight and from the burning sensation that was starting at my neck. "I'll be back for you." She smiled as she pulled away from me. She licked her lips and disappeared. The wolf darted off beside me, roaring and growling as he flew by.

As Victoria let go of me I fell sideways into the grass. My vision was blurred by some dark matter in my eyes. I gasped for air but it seemed like I couldn't get enough. The pain of my broken bones was covered up by the burning sensation I could feel traveling to my shoulders and into my throat. It felt the same as before when James had bitten me.

_A fair fight?_ Did she think turning me into a vampire would make this an even battle? I didn't want to fight. I wanted to die, and I wanted it now. I have nothing to fight for, no reason to live if I was turned. Edward was gone, Alice was gone. No one would ever know I was among the undead, what was the point if I had to un-live it alone?

I heard something make its way towards me. Hopefully it was something to come finish me off. I heard a low whine and a huge paw appeared in front of my face, smashing the very flower on the ground I picked for Jake. I felt a cold wet nose on my check and a warm tongue lick my head wound. I groaned and tried to roll onto my side. I wasn't moving. I looked up to see what was about to eat me alive. It was the monster that made Victoria run. It was like a mutant wolf. It stared back at me as I locked its gaze. It seemed almost human in the eyes. I went to gasp for air, the heat was constricting around my vocal chords. I felt a warm salty substance rise up my throat instead of air. I gurgled and choked on the substance. I coughed right on the animal above me. It flinched and I saw the blood that I coughed up drip off of its whiskers. It jumped back from me and howled at the sky and took off.

Why couldn't it have just stomped on my head a few times before it left? The heat was concentrated to my chest and throat now, it could have easily just gone for my throat and it would have been over. I writhed around in the blood soaked flowers now and moaned in pain.

"Bella!" I heard Jake scream and then he was on his knees in front of me. His face had smears of blood on it. Where was his shirt? "No! No! No!" He screamed as he stroked my neck. He bent over my throat and inhaled. He froze and then scooped me up from the ground. I screamed from the pain. I could hear the tears in his voice, "Why did she do this to you?" He lay me back down and I looked up into his eyes.

"Go, Jake." I murmured over and over again. I wanted to save him from Victoria.

"No." He studied my breaks with tears welled up in his eyes. Without looking up he started talking to someone I couldn't see. "Sam, the leech bit her." He cried out.

"We can't take her to the hospital then. She's dying and I'm not going to take the chance of her turning into one. Do you need me to do it?" Sam asked as he stepped into view. I looked over to Sam. He shuddered and looked away from me.

"No! She's not going to turn into them! She's not!" Jake got to his feet and started vibrating.

"We don't know how it works Jacob! She could turn any second or never. Jake, look at her, she's not going to last much longer!" Sam hissed.

"She's right there Sam. Don't talk about her like she's not here!" Jacob bent down to me. "I'm not leaving her. We're going to fix her. We can fix the bones."

"Jake, it's just going to make it harder."

"You're talking like I'm putting down a pet. Sam, she's human. Like Emily! I love her!" Jacob cried and then stroked my hair.

"Jake." I whispered. I leaned my neck to him, "Suck the venom out, here. It will work." I said softly. I nestled into his shoulder and placed my neck where he could get to it. I felt better laying so close to him but the pain was still there no matter what.

"Oh, God." Sam was horror stricken.

Jacob let out a loud cry. "I'm…sorry Bella." He pushed me away lightly and stood up. I looked up at him with confusion. "Vampire venom is poison to me. I will die." He looked away.

I nodded my head and curled my legs into a tight ball. I was getting dizzy now, probably from the lack of blood. I could taste the flames on my tongue now and down into my chest. I heaved and part of my breakfast came up. I lay there in puke and blood with Jacob standing nearby. How did he know so much? Why was he allergic? I heaved again and nothing came out. I moaned and wished I would hurry up and go under, how I wished to be unconscious or dead.

"Jacob I know it's hard but you need to get out of here. You don't need to witness this."

"I'm not leaving her. I'm going to…" Jake was crouched over staring into space rocking back and forth.

"No!" Sam screamed and stepped in front of him. It was too late. Jacob scooped me up again. I didn't have enough energy to scream. His lips were at my throat. I felt his tongue trace the blood. His teeth bore into my skin searching for the opening to suck at. He bit me lightly again and again in different places trying to find a way in. He started sucking at all points of my neck but I didn't feel the pain leaving me.

"It's healed." He growled, "I can't get to it."

"She's turning! Get away from her!" Sam put his hand on Jake's shoulder.

I looked up at Jacob. His lips and chin were covered in my blood. "No, she's healing, maybe she'll be okay." He gazed at me, stroking my neck with his fingers, looking for a place to get in.


	15. Chapter 15

It felt as if ten thousand hands were choking me. My legs were paralyzed. The pain from the breaks in my arms and hands were completely obscured by the throbbing pain circulating through my body from the venom.

It had been 24 hours since it happened. My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. It couldn't last too much longer, could it?

I wanted desperately to give permission to Jacob to kill me. I heard Sam, Jacob and a group of boys discussing what to do with me. Everyone except Jacob decided I was turning, and they were right. Jacob wouldn't accept the truth and he spent hours trying to convince them I was only healing.

In and out of consciousness I slipped. I could see Edward behind my lids. My only source of comfort. I wondered, would I still see Edward like this if I turned? I wouldn't be able to sleep so I wouldn't be able to dream. Would I remember anything from my human life?

I felt pressure on my arm and a blanket slipped around me. "I don't want you to get cold." Jacob whispered. I mentally rolled my eyes. If he only knew…

I opened my eyes and Jacob was laying next to me with his arm around me. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have told you…everything. I let this happen. I'm not leaving you. Your getting better. Your fingers have already healed. You can't even tell they are broken now. Your arms are healing too! I'm staying here until your healed and afterwards. I'm not leaving you, ever." Jacob cried. I couldn't tell if the others were with him.

I wanted to cry with him. He had no idea…or maybe he knew exactly what was happening but wanted to soften the blow to me once I changed. He had been so fickle with me these past months I was sure he wouldn't stick around too much longer, no matter what he said. Maybe he was making it up to me…staying until I was dead or un-dead. Could I trust his words?

Searing pain shot through my heart and I convulsed against Jacob. It felt as if someone sent a lightning bolt through me. It should have stopped beating but it did the opposite. Not only was my heart thudding rapidly inside me, it was making my whole body move with each beat. How could this pain get any worse?

Jacob tucked me in tighter, making me want to scream out in frustration and complete discomfort. I couldn't though. My eyes stayed locked on his as he nestled right up against me. He leaned into my ear and whispered, "See, your heart is beating so loud and strong. It's pumping out all the venom! Even _it_ doesn't want you to become a vampire. Your going to make it, I know it!" His lips captured mine once and pulled away. "I love you, Isabella."

I was wrong. Jacob wasn't lying to make me feel better. He honestly thought I was going to be fine. My gut should have twisted and my heart should have wretched but no emotions flickered inside of me when he spoke. Was it because the pain clouded it all? Or, was I becoming a monster?

My eye lids fluttered shut, knowing it was the last time I was going to look at Jacob with human eyes ever again. When and if I was to wake up, I wasn't sure who I would be.


End file.
